Death by Stupidity

Back when I was watching television, there was two shows that I would watch occasionally but then never want to watch again. Which shows? One was called "1000 Ways to Die" and the other was "CSI" (the original, and in my opinion, the only one that really matters). Both entertaining in completely different ways. But where they differed was the fact that in one, you could be amazed at where the story goes, while the other merely freaked you out in the end.

For me, I enjoyed watching CSI because of the interesting plot lines and characters. They gave you the benefit of never really knowing where the story was going to go, and who/what the culprit of the murder would be. Getting there was half the fun.

On 1000 Ways to Die, you were more waiting for the punchline at the end. And if you aren't aware of this show, it's basically about all the horrible and inventive ways people have either died or killed themselves (usually by accident). However, they would tell the story through humorous reenactments and then conclude the story with a funny one-liner.

Both appearing to be highly entertaining shows right? The difference is that, although CSI based alot of its stories on actual events, you could still talk yourself into remembering that it is a scripted show. 1000 Ways, on the other hand, basically completely retells these horrible and ironic ways people DID actually die, and if that weren't enough, they bring on experts to talk in depth about the specific science behind how they died. And that used to FREAK me out, because there really ARE alot of dumb ways you can die, and I should know, because I almost died from my own stupidity recently.

I was pulling out of the garage of my office and turned left. I was about to cross the Light Rail train tracks when I suddenly saw the red lights flashing, indicating an incoming train. I was about to just back up to get on the outside of the guard rails that were coming down when I realized they had already come down. Panic-stricken, I quickly made a U-turn and drove back to the garage to turn around all over again. It wasn't till I was safely behind a couple of the cars waiting for the train did I realize that I probably should've just kept going straight (since the rails didn't go down from the side I would've come out on). I just kept thinking it was going to be like a cartoon where you look one way for a second and then BAM a freaking steamroller shows up and flattens you. It's the Light Rail, for god's sake, the damn thing screeches like a strangled sea gull, which tells you it's not exactly running smooth anyway.

Still, I kept thinking the scenario over and over in my head, thinking about being plowed over by a hulking speeding mass of metal, and it took away my better judgment and logic. I should probably be worried about that. The fact that if the shit hit the fan I wouldn't really know what to do kinda bothers me.

And then I'd just end up being another one of those stories on those shows. Maybe they would find my lifeless body and be able to tell by the large amounts of adrenaline (and by the fact my hands would just be covering my face still) that I hadn't really thought about trying to save my life. Or they'd give me the punch line, "Train-in Wheels". Sad sad.

Was this a bleak post? Don't worry, tomorrow's will be about Baltimore's Restaurant week and I'll review my meal tonight at Gertude's. Savor this!