"It was amazing. We hiked to our site, set up the tent and then kayaked up the river. Then at night we drank beer and roasted marshmallows, telling stories all throughout the night. Oh, and there were so many stars, it was like being in a planetarium."
Whenever we get together with friends of Joe's and they mention their love of camping, he can't help but cast a sideways glance my way, as I try to avert my eyes by taking a sip of my drink. I feel bad for the guy, I really do. After all, I don't mean to keep him from doing something he loves. But I'm not really what you'd call "outdoors-y".
Now, I will defend myself and say that I'm not a total princess; the hiking, kayaking, drinking and roasting are all activities I'm actually fond of, even enjoy. I think where I draw the line are the whole, non-showering and sleeping-on-the-ground things. I'm also a bit of a sissy who screams at the mere sight of a big bug and is terrified to be in the woods at night, thinking an ax wielding psychopath is on the loose or a rabid hungry bear. Oh sure, I can hear you say, 'well, what are the odds of something like that happened?' I can guarantee you, those are the same words that came out the mouths of the people who, hours later, ended up in their sleeping bags looking like meat in a burrito.
Ok, so maybe that's a tad irrational, but truthfully, I can say at least that I've given the camping thing a good college try. And while it started off good, when the night came it became a bit...disastrous?
The first time was back in middle school, when I was completing my journey as a Girl Scout by attending the graduation ceremony that was to be held at the conclusion of an overnight camping trip. Never having gone camping I didn't really know what to expect, however all my friends and fellow Girl Scouts were pumped so I tried to adopt their enthusiasm.
I remember hauling all kinds of food items and plastic ware to our campsite, which was set enough in the woods to make us girls think we were really facing the wilderness, yet conveniently close enough to the highway should anything arise.
We arrived early and I was happy to partake of the nature trails with the group and play games with my friends. I even managed to get through whatever food we had. Finally it was time for bed and we all finally collected into our group's tent. There were actually at least 4 or 5 tents to accommodate the whole troop, and before the grown-ups got REALLY serious about our bedtime we spent some part of the night making the small trek through the dirt path and brush to arrive at our neighbors' tents. But after the last threat, which our troop leader promised to act on, we actually settled into our own tent.
I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible, or at least as much as I could using a small throw pillow, a blanket, and a sleeping bag over a solid wood platform that kept us off the forest floor. I found myself tossing and turning every 2 minutes, waiting for my shoulder to wake-up so I could go to sleep. I didn't seem to be the only one having a hard time, since before I knew it we all became painfully aware of a big mosquito that had somehow gotten past the flimsy flap and not buzzed annoyingly in our ears. Some of us screamed and begged the others, the brave ones I'll call them, to get rid of it. Finally, after hours or swirling around my sleeping bag trying to find a spot that wouldn't feel like my body was crushing itself, I passed out simply from exhaustion.
The next morning I heard someone saying, "Ohh Grooooss!" Though I never liked to be out of the loop, especially when it was something so remarkable as to elicit such a response, I could barely lift my head off my tiny stiff pillow. Then I heard someone whisper my name, at which point I gave up and looked to see what embarrassing thing I had done. Happily, it wasn't my doing. Unhappily, one of the girls had gotten sick and had vomited on my sleeping bag.
I was about to show my frustration when I looked over and the poor girl still looked a bit green, so I simply carefully slid out of the bag and carefully folded it up, reassuring her apologetic face that it was fine, and not to worry about it.
The rest of the trip went much smoother, however I never forgot that night. I guess I'd be willing to give camping a try, at least until night fell, at which point I'd bid my goodnights and check into the nearest Red Roof Inn.
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