Also, as if THAT wasn't enough to make my drive back stressful, I think I nearly died...at least three times. Now, anyone who has driven with me knows I will stand up like an alcoholic at an AA meeting, raise my hand to God and say, "Hello, My name is Kristen, and I'm a bad driver." Be aware, I didn't say a reckless or careless driver. I'm more a bad driver the way your 86 yr old grandmother is a bad driver-- I've got poor vision, slow reflexes, and lack attention. But don't worry, I make up for it by driving AT LEAST 10 miles below the speed limit.
But I get pretty annoyed when it seems like fate is just throwin me curve balls on the road. I've driven the same route back and forth from Jersey to Maryland for years now, and yet this last time was prob the most treacherous experience. Let me take you through it...
1. 
Evil Robin--I was driving down the road towards the gas station to fill up before my trip (if I leave Jersey without getting at least a few gallons of gas I end up kicking myself all the way back. Yes, I realize the 30 cents I end up saving gets eaten up just in the drive TO the gas station, but its the PRINCIPLE. All you other cheapskates out there know wat I'm talkin about) and I noticed a bird in the middle of the road. Respectful of cute animals, I slowed down, waiting for it to fly away...and waited...and waited. Suddenly I was getting closer and closer and the damn thing just sprang up and down. I started thinking, 'I'm gonna hit this damn bird...'. It was just like that episode of Seinfeld where George hits the pigeon ("We had a DEAL!"). Finally I had to actually swerve out of the way, and when I made the sudden movement, I guess it finally sensed catastrophe in the form of a hulking metal sedan coming at it and took flight...right at my windshield. Thankfully I missed it, but that was prob my first hint to stay home a little longer.
Evil Robin--I was driving down the road towards the gas station to fill up before my trip (if I leave Jersey without getting at least a few gallons of gas I end up kicking myself all the way back. Yes, I realize the 30 cents I end up saving gets eaten up just in the drive TO the gas station, but its the PRINCIPLE. All you other cheapskates out there know wat I'm talkin about) and I noticed a bird in the middle of the road. Respectful of cute animals, I slowed down, waiting for it to fly away...and waited...and waited. Suddenly I was getting closer and closer and the damn thing just sprang up and down. I started thinking, 'I'm gonna hit this damn bird...'. It was just like that episode of Seinfeld where George hits the pigeon ("We had a DEAL!"). Finally I had to actually swerve out of the way, and when I made the sudden movement, I guess it finally sensed catastrophe in the form of a hulking metal sedan coming at it and took flight...right at my windshield. Thankfully I missed it, but that was prob my first hint to stay home a little longer.2.
Crazy Lady Driver-- I hate to be traitorous, especially towards my own gender, but my second brush with death was at the hand of a curly-haired brunette in a blue car. (And no, I wasn't just looking at my rear view mirror, smartass). There was some construction goin on and while the other cars were all slowly veering I figured I'd veer too. Just as I was passing around, this chick in a blue car came driving right at me...no hesitation, no slowing down, just straight-up 40 miles per hour. I had to pull a freaking Jason Statham just avoid her oncoming Carolla. Hint #2 to turn around and head right back to bed.
Crazy Lady Driver-- I hate to be traitorous, especially towards my own gender, but my second brush with death was at the hand of a curly-haired brunette in a blue car. (And no, I wasn't just looking at my rear view mirror, smartass). There was some construction goin on and while the other cars were all slowly veering I figured I'd veer too. Just as I was passing around, this chick in a blue car came driving right at me...no hesitation, no slowing down, just straight-up 40 miles per hour. I had to pull a freaking Jason Statham just avoid her oncoming Carolla. Hint #2 to turn around and head right back to bed.3. The Wind Cries "I'm Gonna Push You Off This Bridge"-- My last near-death experience 
started the second I got on the highway and didn't really let up until I was about 10 mins from my apt...I've had problems with the wind before, but NOTHING like this last time. I was going about 55 miles per hour, and yet I was still getting batted around like a kitten with a ball of twine. It wasn't so bad, until I hit the bridge. God damn, I really was terrified. I learned new meaning to the phrase "white-knuckle". People were passing me left and right, and even when I tried to speed up to keep up with traffic I felt like the wind was toying with me. Finally when I got off my hands were so tense my elbows ached. It was a small consolation that I was met with a cute toll booth attendant at the end, I still had to gulp hard and was never more grateful to be in Delaware.
started the second I got on the highway and didn't really let up until I was about 10 mins from my apt...I've had problems with the wind before, but NOTHING like this last time. I was going about 55 miles per hour, and yet I was still getting batted around like a kitten with a ball of twine. It wasn't so bad, until I hit the bridge. God damn, I really was terrified. I learned new meaning to the phrase "white-knuckle". People were passing me left and right, and even when I tried to speed up to keep up with traffic I felt like the wind was toying with me. Finally when I got off my hands were so tense my elbows ached. It was a small consolation that I was met with a cute toll booth attendant at the end, I still had to gulp hard and was never more grateful to be in Delaware.And now, safe and sound in my apt, struggling to breath through one nostril, I think about how close I came to total destruction. Maybe it was my slow-driving that actually saved my life. Just what the world wants...maybe I should try going 20 miles below the speed limit from now on...sorry people.
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