Now Serving...Assholes

I was on line at Wegman's tonight, doing some very late last minute food shopping. I've always wondered if Wegman's requires their employees to do some special customer service training, cuz they are always the friendliest workers. So I wasn't surprised when the check-out lady and I began chatting, and she told me about how she gets some really rude customers.

She explained how she was starting to ring a man up and he tossed his money in front of her. Sensing by his accent she could tell he was foreign so she was willing to let the rude gesture go, when suddenly he demanded she count his money for him. Not asking, "Please miss, I don't know how much money I have," he said, "Count my money." She was taken aback by his command, but she just replied that he needed to count his own money and ignored him for the rest of the transaction. I completely sympathized with her, telling her she ought to have scolded him, and remind him that here in America we have something called "equal rights" and that we don't treat people that way. (She didn't say for sure that his attitude was directed at her because she was woman, but it makes it even MORE fun to get pissed off and angry).

It got me thinking about all my early years at a cash register or on a sales floor. I think it should be required that all people experience sales/retail-work. Not only is it a good base for learning how to manage in the work world, but it really teaches you how to deal with people...especially obnoxious, selfish, overbearing, self-righteous customers. What's more is the bond you develop with your coworkers after dealing with such people. You get through it and then the second they are out the door you and your fellow employees retire to the back room and swap stories by the vending machines.

Since I spent the better part of my teens and 20s in retail I def had a few doozies. Oddly enough, I can' seem to really recall alot of my own, but I remember alot of other people's, especially friends who worked in the restaurant biz (which, by the way, has to be the winner for most assholes per capita that frequent a particular business).

My friends Ashley and Louise both work in a semi-fancy restaurant around here and I still cringe at some of the stories they would tell me. In one case, Louise was relaying the fact that the restaurant's policy prevented the splitting of checks beyond a certain number of people. By merely doing her job she was subjected to ugly stares and cruel remarks, such as, "This is unacceptable" and "We're not starting off on the right foot..." Eww. Another time Ashley, as a hostess, was gently escorting a couple to their table when she lightly tapped the lady's shoulder. She apparently reacted as if Ashley punched her in the side, because she threw a tantrum to their waitress. Just ridiculous.

My only restaurant experience was as a hostess at the nearby Carrabba's, and while most of the time it was uneventful, there were the occasional pains in the ass. My favorite times were when I would be working the door handing out beepers and telling people the wait time. I'd be standing there amidst a crowd of 20 people waiting in line, and when someone who walked in fresh from the street asked me the wait time, I'd tell them "It's gonna be about 40 to 50 min." Usually people accepted it and either put their name down anyway or walked off. However I used to get a sick pleasure out of telling people when it was well over an hour wait. I def had a few people that would get all offended, as if the restaurant was actually completely empty and I was keeping them out just for shits. Every time someone would get all miffed, I just wanted to wave my hand around and say, "It's 7:30 on a Saturday night. What exactly did you expect?"

That's when I actually got a great idea for a reality show. It's kind of like a hidden-camera/"So You Think You Can Dance" kind of thing...Let's call it, "So You Think You Can Do My Job?" Basically the premise is that there are hidden cameras all over the store/restaurant/etc. All night people are keeping tabs on the patrons who are particularly annoying or rude. Before the person is about to leave the camera crew and host spring into their face. The employee (backed by his/her boss) comes forward and explains to the person their faults and challenges them to do their job for a week (I'd say a day, but that might not be enough). If the person makes it through without ANY complaints on their part OR the part of the person THEY are serving, they get some cash prize. If they are caught, then they have to listen to the employees rant...and something else too, maybe they have to go to some kind of rehab.

I'd totally watch that. I think America as a whole needs to get over themselves tout suite, maybe this would help a little. I think we sometimes forget that the people serving us would much rather be ANYWHERE else than where they are right now. Is it really so much to ask to be a little more patient? I'm sure I've had my moments, but I have tried like HELL to make sure not to ever take a bad meal or mistake out on the employee--they are just doing their job and they are HUMAN. Ill def bad mouth them later (Patient First) but I still try to have some empathy for them. After all, we've all been there, right?

Anyway, speaking of self-righteous, I hope I didn't get too much of that tonite. Cuz I wouldn't want to repel my 5TH FOLLOWER! Woo HOO! Thanks Cousin Rebecca! (And can't wait to hear all about Ohio!)

Alright, in the words of Dave Attell "Get some sleep!"