Check Your Genitals at the Door

Let me preempt by saying that other than my few years in elementary school as a clarinet player, I have never been a musician. And granted, my taste in music is often questioned by others. But I've known what I liked for a long time now, and it hasn't changed much since my adolescence. (I tend to get a little frustrated when I meet a person who says they like a little bit of everything, esp b/c I know I have said that once or twice. But when I really thought about it, there's actually very little I like. I tend to stick with what has always worked for me, deeming a very select group of bands as acceptable. Maybe that means I'm close-minded and other people who like "everything" are more forgiving and adventurous. Whatever, I know what I like, and what I like is awesome.)

I tend to think about this alot, esp at work. We're allowed to wear headphones, so often I'll put on 98 Rock to listen to the Morning Show and then leave it on until the 12 Noon Hairball starts. But let me tell you, it is PAINFUL waiting and listening to the pop-rock crap that's being shoved down our throats. I have lovingly dubbed many of these as "Fighting" songs (a.k.a. songs that I can undoubtedly hear being on the movie Fighting soundtrack). These are your typical faux-angry songs, meant to rile you up and drink hard and eventually puke on your way to the dorm.

The other option is the panty-wetting songs that I can only guess were developed by frat-boy record execs to make dumb girls show their boobs and act slutty thinking its being "hard" or "badass." It doesn't ladies. Trust me (I was in college too once, and learned my lesson.) And guys: if you want to be deep and meaningful than get your penis out of your music. Cuz we're not impressed with either.

Now before I start hearing, "ohh but you like HAIR METAL, isn't that the epitome of useless music?", let me say this. I love hair metal and monster ballads. But I love them because it's what feels right for me (and yes I have moved away from the obvious panty-wetter songs of the genre). For some reason that kind of music speaks to something in my soul. (And if the aforementioned bands do it for you...REALLY do it for you, then God bless) Plus listen to some blistering guitar riffs and massive head-exploding high pitch screams and then tell me that it's bland and pointless. I love how the voices and instruments almost become one, how the guys sound like girls and girls sound like harbour seals during mating season. What can I say, it's my music.

On that musical note, Joe and I went to see some bands tonite at the Senator. I really shouldn't say bands--it was more like one and a half bands, and then three singing acts. We went to see Joe's friend's band play but since they weren't on yet, we sat in the seats and listened to the first performers. Ho-ly crap. I thought I was in the 7th circle of hell.

The first kid (and I do mean "kid", he couldn't have been older than 17) was a country singer from Nashville. No band, no guitar. Just him, his big cream-colored Stetson, and a back-up track. He bobbed and tried awkwardly to get the audience to clap with him as he crooned out one generic country song after another.

Then came a trio of brothers that were somewhere between a mix of BBMack, Fall Out Boy, and Hanson. They lost me the second they said, "Hey who's here to have a good time??" And then when they wanted to "teach the audience to sing along", I had to swallow some bile.

Then came another pop-country singer who was a Miley Cyrus rip-off. Very apple-pie yet you knew she prob had an inner freak side. Her death toll came in the form of one or her songs that might has well been called "Freedom Isn't Free," about "the working class American." I'm not saying that's a bad theme, but come on. Shouldn't she be sponsored by Coors Light and Nascar?

Then came another pop singer who was more of a Beyonce knock-off. But she had the pipes so I'll let her slide.

Thankfully, at last Joe's friend's, Elise Major (sp?) and her band came on. Now THIS is a girl that gives me hope for rock musicians that are female...and brings me to the title of tonite's blog. Like I said, I'm no musician or songwriter. But it seems to me that women are JUST AS capable to write amazing songs and kick ass on stage, but they need to check their vaginas at the door. Music should never be about gender. Sure we may experience different things, but it's about the art form. In a way, it should never be about you: it should be about what you have to say. Don't try to be pretty all the time. Scream, throw your head back, thrash the guitar, make your fingernails bleed. We have to claim more of the rock music frontier. Reject the title of "female singer" or "female drummer." No, you are a singer. You are a drummer. And I was happy to hear Elise b/c she showed me it IS possible.

So girls get out there. Wear a shitty old T-shirt. Skip the lipstick. Because most men are idiots and refuse to acknowledge women as musicians or comedians. I'm not saying we have to hate being female. It's a fine gender. But for god's sakes don't forget why you have that guitar or bass in your hands.

Of course these are the opinions of a person who loves music by guys who DO wear lipstick and act glam...so what do I know?