Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Fateful Food


Holy hell, is anyone else freaking out that it's almost Thanksgiving? I feel like I was JUST looking at my calendar and thinking, "Oh, we still have a few weeks till Halloween". But it never fails...this time of year is truly a roller coaster. You feel the click, click, click as you roll up towards Columbus Day, pass that and before you know it you feel the first drop of Halloween. From there the twists and turns come faster and faster- Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day...whew, it hurts my head and wallet when I think about it.
Still, I manage to have spare a weekend here and there, especially when it comes to friends visiting. Thanks again to Ken and Jay for spending the weekend, it was such a blast. And speaking of which...
You know how I say that it seems that fate likes to keep me from being on time? I think, in addition to that, fate likes to mess with my eating. No matter how much I try to be "lady-like" when I'm eating, I always get screwed. Example...

My friends and I were walking around Federal Hill when one brought our attention to a "cupcakery" shoppe as we walked by. Jay asked if we wanted to go in, and we decided to check it out. It was a tiny little place with delicate and enticing cupcakes, however they were shown individually in a small case each, like little frosted gems. I spied some chocolate confection and Jay purchased it for me. As we were walking I tried my damnedest to not make a mess: I carefully mouthed small bites, licking a little bit of frosting with each bite. However, as is the innate engineering problem with cupcakes, I found myself running out of cake and facing a small tower of frosting. I first encountered the faulty physics of cupcakes back in elementary school. There is no easy or clean way to eat a cupcake with your hands, unless u have an exceptionally big mouth. Finally I just had to go for it and smush the rest in my mouth, and hope for the best. There was, of course, collateral damage, and for the rest of the day was constantly wiping my mouth for any phantom chocolate.

But it doesn't stop with cupcakes. My fellow fremps and I decided to grab lunch out once and we opted for Chipotle. I ordered my usual, two soft and one hard tacos, and immediately realized I was putting myself in the middle of a messy meal minefield. It's one thing to be in the privacy of my own home, shoving a taco in my face, picking up whatever scraps have fallen out and dropping them back in my mouth. It's a bit different in public, and especially around work colleagues.

I ran over to grab a plastic knife and fork and tried to elegantly slice my taco with it. Now, I don't know what that thick slab of plastic is meant to cut but it did squat. I barely managed to cut through anything and the fork must've been coated in Pam, cuz every bite slid back in my red basket. Finally, I figured I could either starve or just pick it up and eat carefully-which is what I did. What I hadn't counted on was that my first bite was going to be smack-dab in the middle of the biggest chunk of beef. The rest of the taco fell out as I tried to quickly shovel the big piece of flesh and everything along with it in my mouth, so as to hasten any gross scene I was causing. Unfortunately it was also still hot, so it was scalding my mouth so bad my mouth fell open more. I finally swallowed what I could and quickly hid my mouth behind a napkin.

See? I try to be careful. I try to take my time and eat small bites. Somewhere out there is getting a good laugh at my eating expense. Hopefully you will join in with them. Anyway, thought this topic was especially fitting given the upcoming holiday. Tomorrow's a travel day for me, so if I don't get the chance, Happy Thanksgiving kids!

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