From Work to WooHoo!

Hello loyal blog readers! Again, I must pass along my apologies for another missing blog. Let's just say that from now on if I'm lacking an entry one of two things happened: 1.) I was unexpectedly detained or 2.) I was pulled away from my butt-printed sofa by a bunch of blood-thirsty yet forgetful pirates who took me and then forgot why and dropped me back of a couple hours later in the night.

Since the latter hasn't happened in a while, you can assume I was detained. And rather unexpectedly as well. What was supposed to be a quick drink w/ some colleagues at work turned into a night of boozing I haven't had in a freakin while. And that gave me the idea for tonite's blog.

I woke-up this morning, eyes wide and felt the cold familiar chill of leftover alcohol on my skin and terror. Immediately my mind begins doing (as it usually does after a night out) of mentally running through the night and checking for embarrassing moments. But this was doubly important since I was out with people I work with, and was sick to my stomach with worry that I had just single-handedly blown the best job I've had in years. (As usual my reaction was really an OVER reaction...but still I was concerned)

It's always strange to me how most of us keep our work lives and social lives stringently separated-- we don't want our work people to see how we really are-- and yet very often the two worlds are forced to collide: office birthdays, anniversaries, first days, last days, etc. But these gatherings are usually pretty tame. So how do you manage when you are asked to go out for what you think will be a quiet drink and it turns into classic carousing? And even more nerve-wracking when senior members are doing the pouring?

It reminded me of the times when my parents would be out and my sisters and I would try to get our dog Abigail to come into the living room (a place she had been iron-clad trained never to enter). I can imagine the horrible torture we put that poor dog through...tempting her with treats just to see if she would break her training. And you know she only did it ONCE, she was so good. I wish I had the resilience of a dog... I miss her

But we all probably face that same odd situation-- you want to be liked by your peers but you ALSO don't want them to see you doing karaoke to Journey and lose respect for you.

Back in college when I went to write for the Towerlight I had the same fears when asked to hang out with our senior editors Lauren and Mike. Yeah it was a club, but still it was learning how to behave in an actual office setting and I didn't really know how to balance my brashy side from my office side. But when our location for hanging out was Tigerfest I pretty much tossed much of my cautions to the wind and actually gained some great friends. I still look at Lauren sometimes and think how intimidated and nervous I used to be around her, my "authority figure".

Same thing happened when I went to work at the school in Dundalk and met Kelly. She's only a few years older than me yet she's already so accomplished with a husband and one child at the time. She took me under her wing and so I saw her in a very "boss" like-light. In fact, most of the people there, even the younger ones (like you Jess!) were so put together and professional I found myself trying like hell to measure up. And then the day of our summer party came and I found myself in the same ol' predicament. I want these guys to respect me but yet I keep getting beer handed to me. (Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like anyone was forcing me at all) So what do you do? You want to fit in without crossing into "who the hell IS this person?".

And anyone who has gone drinking with me knows, without claim of over exaggeration, I can get hammered off 2 beers. That brings around another problem. You try to pace yourself yet if people are like "hey how bout a third round" and everyone else could recite the Gettysburg address, you're yammering on about wanting to VISIT a Gettysburg address. Doesn't make for much fun company (unless you're the entertainment).

So what can you do? I don't really know if there is really a way around it. You just go out to see what the feeling of your peers are and basically play along. And if they are the laid-back, have a drink on me, kind of people, there's no harm in letting your hair down...provided you are always trying to keep at their level.

I look back on it now and still shake my head at some of the things I said and did...but truthfully (and as far as I know) it has never affected my work-life. In fact, in some cases I feel I was welcomed into the fold more. I think that will be the case with last night, but I'll have to let you know.

Anyways, like I said, I'm still nursing this hangover, so byesey bye for now!

The Youthful Follies

Believe it or not, my fine taste in film and music took years to hone (*scoff* *scoff*) and meanwhile I liked alot of crap along the way. Whenever I hear a song I used to be obsessed with or see clips from a movie I used to watch over and over again, I can't help but grimace with regret and embarrassment. And now coming up towards my 26th birthday, I feel it's time to look back on these things not with shame but in the comfort of knowing they helped me become the person I am now...plus it should be good for a cheap laugh.

1. "Jump" by Van Halen--I used to love this song. The sound of that rockin synthesizer used to get me so pumped up, I'm brave enough to say I tried to do that high-kick jump off my bed. Now, when I hear it I have to change the channel. What I used to love now annoys the crap outta me. Oh well...might as well jump...

2. "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club--This wasn't like "Jump", this was literally the first song I was OBSESSED with. I had never seen anything like Boy George before. I was coming from a childhood where my mother banned MTV because she thought it was too racy for us kids (and this was at a time BEFORE horny co-eds had nothing better to do than get wasted everyday and punch each other in the face...what show am I talking about? Does it matter? Take your pick)

3. "Josie and the Pussycats" Soundtrack--I never even saw the movie, but on a trip to Florida I met up with my friend Meghan and a few of her friends and she introduced me to it. They apparently had been listening to it the practically the whole trip...I can't really explain this one, or why I loved it so much. Maybe it was b/c we were in Florida, or the first taste of freedom, but all I know is I actually continued to listen to it for a while until it finally got scratched beyond recognition and the spell was broken. Honestly the cynical music (and movie) lover in me must've wept with relief, but I stil don't think I can let myself live down that one...

4. "Charlie's Angels"--I look at movies today, especially remakes, with a bit of a judgemental eye. But back in High School I freakin LOVED this movie. Again, not really sure why. Maybe cuz it actually had girls kicking ass (a rarity). And really that was prob its only redeeming quality. But if I look at the story now, I get so annoyed. It seems like a caricature of itself, so overdone and yet thin. Esp the dialogue (if I had to hear that whiny baby-talk and obnoxious way Cameron Diaz said "Chaaliee" i think i'd have to saw my ear off with a butter knife).

So there they are...my youthful follies. Maybe they aren't so bad to some of you...maybe you even like these things. I guess they will always have a weird place in my heart, like a scar that never goes away but reminds you of who you once were and where you came from. Wow, that's probably the deepest anyone would ever go after just talking about David Lee Roth and and a crappy remake of an Archie-comic-character-band. But I'm woman enough to admit mine. What are yours huh?

Driver Drama

So this is the second time in the last two months I went home and came back with a freakin illness. Last time it turned into strep, but now I think it's just a cold, but still...aggravatin'

Also, as if THAT wasn't enough to make my drive back stressful, I think I nearly died...at least three times. Now, anyone who has driven with me knows I will stand up like an alcoholic at an AA meeting, raise my hand to God and say, "Hello, My name is Kristen, and I'm a bad driver." Be aware, I didn't say a reckless or careless driver. I'm more a bad driver the way your 86 yr old grandmother is a bad driver-- I've got poor vision, slow reflexes, and lack attention. But don't worry, I make up for it by driving AT LEAST 10 miles below the speed limit.

But I get pretty annoyed when it seems like fate is just throwin me curve balls on the road. I've driven the same route back and forth from Jersey to Maryland for years now, and yet this last time was prob the most treacherous experience. Let me take you through it...

1. Evil Robin--I was driving down the road towards the gas station to fill up before my trip (if I leave Jersey without getting at least a few gallons of gas I end up kicking myself all the way back. Yes, I realize the 30 cents I end up saving gets eaten up just in the drive TO the gas station, but its the PRINCIPLE. All you other cheapskates out there know wat I'm talkin about) and I noticed a bird in the middle of the road. Respectful of cute animals, I slowed down, waiting for it to fly away...and waited...and waited. Suddenly I was getting closer and closer and the damn thing just sprang up and down. I started thinking, 'I'm gonna hit this damn bird...'. It was just like that episode of Seinfeld where George hits the pigeon ("We had a DEAL!"). Finally I had to actually swerve out of the way, and when I made the sudden movement, I guess it finally sensed catastrophe in the form of a hulking metal sedan coming at it and took flight...right at my windshield. Thankfully I missed it, but that was prob my first hint to stay home a little longer.

2. Crazy Lady Driver-- I hate to be traitorous, especially towards my own gender, but my second brush with death was at the hand of a curly-haired brunette in a blue car. (And no, I wasn't just looking at my rear view mirror, smartass). There was some construction goin on and while the other cars were all slowly veering I figured I'd veer too. Just as I was passing around, this chick in a blue car came driving right at me...no hesitation, no slowing down, just straight-up 40 miles per hour. I had to pull a freaking Jason Statham just avoid her oncoming Carolla. Hint #2 to turn around and head right back to bed.

3. The Wind Cries "I'm Gonna Push You Off This Bridge"-- My last near-death experience started the second I got on the highway and didn't really let up until I was about 10 mins from my apt...I've had problems with the wind before, but NOTHING like this last time. I was going about 55 miles per hour, and yet I was still getting batted around like a kitten with a ball of twine. It wasn't so bad, until I hit the bridge. God damn, I really was terrified. I learned new meaning to the phrase "white-knuckle". People were passing me left and right, and even when I tried to speed up to keep up with traffic I felt like the wind was toying with me. Finally when I got off my hands were so tense my elbows ached. It was a small consolation that I was met with a cute toll booth attendant at the end, I still had to gulp hard and was never more grateful to be in Delaware.

And now, safe and sound in my apt, struggling to breath through one nostril, I think about how close I came to total destruction. Maybe it was my slow-driving that actually saved my life. Just what the world wants...maybe I should try going 20 miles below the speed limit from now on...sorry people.

Homeward Bound Nowhere

"You still think of New Jersey as your home, don't you," Joe said as we were heading to the freeway. A few months ago we had a lovely visit with his family and we started talking about where we considered our "homes" to be now.

"I always used to." I said, pondering. "But, since my parents moved out of my old house, I dunno." I stared out the window at the passing pastures and neighborhoods.

"What about Maryland? Isn't Maryland your home now?" he continued. I didn't have a comfortable answer then and I still didn't the other day when we came upon the same subject. Again I was kinda dumbfounded.

At the drop of a hat I will align myself with my Jersey kinsmen. But I have noticed that every time I visit it feels like a piece of me is chipped away, rather than feel more complete. I think the fact my parents sold our family house lopped off my connection to really feeling like Jersey was my home. Instead of feeling grounded I usually feel more like I'm drifting along the surface, despite the fact that deep down I know my town like a soldier who has the home-advantage--knowing the terrain, places to escape (the tourists, at least), even where the nudist beach is. (not sure why a soldier would need to know that, but I'm sure it would come in handy)

Instead, when I went away to college I assembled my closest friends, established jobs, and accumulated countless memories all around Baltimore. And yet, the day I had to finally surrender my Jersey driver's license in exchange for a Maryland one, I still felt like I was betraying my home state. I'm really having a hard time with the idea of turning in my tags, too, and tyring to put it off as long as possible.

So you see how I'm torn. I always get a little uneasy about coming to visit (even this time for Mother's Day) and yet when I'm on the turnpike heading back towards Baltimore, I feel sad. It's like I'm in a perpetual state of looking at the greener grass on the other side.

It gets even more frustrating whenever Joe and I talk about the idea of getting a house. He's perfectly comfortable with the idea of settling around here, yet I feel myself digging my heels into the ground. DESPITE the fact that my friends are here, my boyfriend is here, my job is here...the idea makes me into a commitment phobe. And when my mom passes along jobs she finds for both Joe and me around the Shore, I can't quite bring myself to be OK with that either....

The solution?.....Delware....Hi, I want to live in Delaware. Seriously, Delaware makes so much sense. I could be near my beloved beach (and casinos) and yet be only an hour away from my friends. It seems perfect. But I do have the botheration of having to not only listen to Joes's opinion but I have to actually (ugh) CONSIDER his feelings...(j/k), so, dunno I'll get far with this idea.

So where is home? Is it really as simple as "where your heart is"? I'm not sure. For the time being I suppose I'll have to exist within this living-limbo. At least until I can trick Joe into getting into a moving van with all our stuff...

"Where are we going?" he'll say, "What does that sign say?...........Dover Downs?? Well, it IS a raceway AND casino...ok, hand me the boxes..."

Thursday Thoughts

As I've mentioned a few times, my job has me looking at names for about 8 hours a day. You may assume it would be mind-altering-ly boring, but actually I come across some interesting little surprises. Once while I was (legitimately) looking up an hospital I came across a rather interesting article...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3330057/Vicar-went-to-hospital-with-potato-stuck-in-bottom.html

If you don't feel like clicking the link, it's basically an article about a vicar who was hanging curtains in his kitchen (...naked) and fell on a potato, getting it lodged right in the ol' Yorkshire pudding hole (and I found this only a few weeks into the job).

That article aside, the most commonly interesting things we come across are odd names similar to celebrities...Julia Roberts, for example. Leslie, my coworker found a good one the other day (Mighty Fine...yes, she swears that was the name, but unfortunately there was no pic so she's not sure if it was a guy or girl).

Today I found a pip- Melody Music. First name Melody, last name Music. Doesn't it sound like a character on a kiddie show? Either her parents were musicians that had their last name changed for shits and giggles, had a sick sense of humor, OR (if she was married) should get a lottery ticket for marrying a guy with such a perfectly matchable name. But that's not even the best part...she lived on Minor Ave. (as in a kind of music key), AND 747 Broadway (umm as in where MUSICAL MELODIES are played?!?). Classic, you can't make this crap up.

Then after I got over the amazement of that, I started thinking about something else. You know I'm pretty critical about today's music. And I think part of the reason is the false hope these damn songs give me. I hear a song and the first bars sound so good and interesting...and then it all goes to whiney-yarling-generic HELL. While I was considering that, The Police's "Wrapped Around Your Finger" came on the radio. It took me a second to recognize it, cuz I had to fast forward through the intro through my brain to get to the bridge. I have to do that with a few of their songs, and that's when I realized something--while most bands can develop a good beginning their end delivery is crappy, while The Police kinda have the opposite problem...their beginnings are kinda unpleasant frankly, but once you get past it, their songs are really interesting AND accessible. If current music is chocolate covered crap cordial, The Police are like a crap covered nougatty caramel delicacy. You get through it and you get a delightful payoff. Current music may goes down easy but at the end of the day...its crap. Too critical? Eh whatever.

Maybe I'm too much of a stickler. And maybe I'm too young to be a stickler...but I'm really not that young anymore am I? You know I still think I feel about 18, which is maybe why I get so frustrated when my body or skin changes. Even the people I consider "older" are really not that far beyond me. And yet I still always try to be ultra-lovely and mind my manners. I've noticed that especially in this office. I'm not that much younger yet I still feel like I need to make sure I'm polite, as if I'm around relatives I barely see and I'm looking at a dirty glare from my mother if I don't say "please" and "thank you." In school it's so easy to see the distinction. But out here in the real world, it's like suddenly you are just lumped together in the masses of "adults". It's a weird sensation, but I guess it's all part of growing up. I am still growing up aren't I?

Wednesday Wonderings...

My mind has the tendency to wander from topic to topic, especially at work. So I figured I'd share some random thoughts that came to me (in no particular order...)

1.) Coffee- I never used to understand what the big attraction to coffee was. The few times I tried it in the past it I could never get past the bitterness of it. Even after putting packets of sugar and milk in it, I couldn't believe that people could drink gallons of it in a single day. But when Joe and I visited his aunt she made us breakfast and coffee. Not wanting to be rude, I accepted the cup and was shocked at how good it tasted. I still didn't have it often, until recently. I was at work with what I had to assume was on incoming migraine. My coworker Leslie offered me some migraine tablets and suggested I have coffee with it (apparently the caffeine helps). In a few minutes I felt like I was tripping. My head felt light, my hands felt heavy, and started get the worst kind of giggles. I was freaking out, and trying desperately not to bring attention to myself in our silent office. I had never really had that feeling before, but I noticed it again today. Maybe it was because all I had was a bowl of cereal and a banana all day. Whatever, either way, it was kinda cool. Made looking at names all day a bit more interesting...

2.) Jethro Tull v. Metallica- I was listening to "Cross-Eyed Mary" by Jethro and suddenly remembered something. Remember that whole controversy when Jethro Tull won best new metal album or whatnot instead of Metallica? Ok, fine do you remember that VH1 countdown of lease metal moments where they talked about it? Yeah, at the time I totally understood and even (gasp) sided with Metallica. Maybe they are considered more "metal" than Jethro Tull (yeah, they ARE more metal) but that was at the time when all I heard from them was "Enter Sandman" (which I'm so sick of now). Plus tag on their pathetic attack on Napster which just made them look like assholes, and I really lost alot of respect for them. Besides, it's not easy rocking out with a flute (you gotta give 'em extra points for THAT at least).

3.) Failblog.org.- Sometimes there are some down moments at work, so we are kinda free to roam around the internet. Well a while back Joe's friend Greg showed us a site called "Failblog.org", which is basically like CollegeHumor of eBaum's World (and if you don't know what those sites are, you prob wont get this site-basically its funny pictures and videos posted daily). I never look at the videos, but the pictures are kinda easy to flip through and get a cheap laugh. And most importantly, they usually aren't TERRIBLY racy, so I feel ok about looking at them at work. Of course, as is my shitty-ass luck, I'm going through some and spot one that has the headline "Mating Fail." And, also of course, my computer decides to freeze up with the picture of the giraffe humping a water buffalo...and finally...that's when my boss walks back in from lunch...Chhrrrrrrist. I'm sitting there turnin beet-red and trying like hell to close out-damnit-close out and open Yahoo News like a decent worker. Thankfully, he didn't notice or at least had the kindness not to call me out on it...

Yup, that's what I think about at work. And just think...I'm getting PAID to think about this crap.

Trading Mickey for Grissom

What is it with former child actors that either become total self-destruction addicts/victims or go to just "play them on TV."

I'm watching that episode of SVU where Melissa Joan Hart is the teacher who is raped by her student. It's a pretty compelling episode anyway, but God how much would you have wanted to be on the set while they were taping and count how many times you manage to ask her to "explain it all" or "hey, where's Sam?..(baangawang)".

It can't be easy, because you know these actors just want to move on from their childhood (esp cuz I'm sure it wasn't exactly a Disney movie). So it's no surprise they take the first acting gig that has them: naked, doing drugs, or killing someone with a shovel...ANYTHING but what they used to do.

Hell, the cast of Saved By the Bell is a who's who of crazy-character actors. Remember when Mark Paul Gosselaar played that rapist on the Lifetime movie? Or when Tiffany Amber-Thiassen joined the cast of 90210, playing the bad-girl? My personal favorite is Elizabeth Berkley's unforgettable performance in a forgettably bad movie, "Showgirls."

But what is it with the unappealing-wacky characters that have nothing better to do but get into porn? What goes through their minds, I have no idea..."Hmm, I'm not cute and awkward anymore, I'm old, overweight, and awkward. What should I do? I know, I'll get naked in front of a camera so the whole world can see my saggy-ass."

The most notable example of this is the kid from "The Toy" and "A Christmas Story", who started off as a nonsexual porn actor (which has GOT to be low on the rungs of legitimate acting...maybe even below being a CW actor). Then he got his big break and actually got a film all for himself. Good for him, I guess. Just seems a shame (why aren't there ever any hot male actors that we WANT to see get naked go into porn?)

And then of course there was Screech Powers, who for some reason thought he'd get into the sex-biz. I can't help but pity this guy, despite his enormous douchedom that revealed itself on Celebrity Fit Club. He was working the Screech character into his late 20s. When the girls were attacking the set for Zack and A.C., Screech had to settle for the leftovers like a vulture. Otherwise he could hang out in his trailer with Mr. Belding.

So why not go into porn? Maybe he needed some validation, or maybe it was the only business he was allowed in. Either way, like seeing a car accident, I really shouldn't look, but I'm damned curious. And I think you are too...

You can't really blame these guys tho. After years of acting with squeaky-clean dialogue and heart-to-heart talks, wouldn't you want to rebel too? And it's better they do it with their acting rather than in real life. And, as history has a way of repeating itself, it will be interesting to see what acting jobs the cast of iCarly or Camp Rock end up getting. Taylor Swift already had a gig on CSI where she wound up dead. Maybe Zac Efron will grow up to be a psychopathic serial killer in a Lifetime movie. But who'll be the ones that end up in porn? Eh...give it a few years...