Hearts on Fire?- Part2: The Smooth Operator

I hightailed it to the nearest walk-in clinic, holding my hand to my chest and full freaked out. I wondered if half the reason I was feeling nauseous and light-headed was because I was giving myself a panic-attack.

I walked in and explained what I was experiencing. The receptionist took my information and after what felt like an eternity a nurse finally came out to check my blood pressure. Then she led me into the examination room to use an EKG machine on me. She kept reassuring me that this is just standard procedure when experiencing any kind of chest pain, just to make sure one's heart isn't in any kind of distress.

After that she left and the doctor came in to ask me some questions and assess my symtpoms. He listened to my heart and said he thought he detected a slight murmur. Also he took everything else into consideration and finally offered his diagnosis- Mitrovalve prolapse (or something like that).

He explained that it is a very common condition, especially in women, and other than the odd feeling and the need to just be aware of it, my lifestyle wouldn't change. He then asked if I had an appointment with a primary care doctor yet, and when I said I did, he seemed relieved.

"You'll take this EKG result with you to show your doctor and tell them what I think it is. They'll probably want you to do another one and maybe see a cardiologist, but you'll have to see when you get there."

For the most part, I left relieved on both fronts- I wasn't crazy in thinking something weird might be going on AND it didn't sound very serious.

After a week of waiting my doctor's appointment rolled around- as in today. Of course, it wouldn't be a "me" story if it didn't involve me running late. Although I thought I was good (only like 6 minutes) I was reminded by the doctor that I was informed to be there 15 minutes BEFORE my appointment. She seemed a little perturbed by it, but I tried to apologize profusely.

With that out of the way, she got to examining me. She had me do another EKG and asked a bunch of questions I wasn't sure about like family history and describing the pain.

Incidentally, why is it that when you are out with your friends in a casual setting and they ask you about something minute you can remember the slightest details, yet when put on the spot and the topic is important you feel completely useless and brain dead?

Anyway, without giving me a definite answer as to what I have she did ask me about odd things that could be triggering it-

"Are you a coffee drinker?"

"Yes, but I just started."

"When?"

"Maybe a year."

"How many cups?"

"One a day"

"....Starbucks?"

I was taken aback by that question but she explained that Starbucks has actually the highest levels of caffeine.

When she was finished with tossing out scenarios and possible triggers she made up a game plan for me to follow- I would get some blood work done, an echo cardiogram, and a halter (a heart monitor).

I thanked her for her help and went out to make my appointments with the receptionist.

I have to admit that I was still a bit overwhelmed and nervous as I stood at the receptionist window. However that feeling was gone the second she tried to redial my insurance company and placed them on speakerphone...only to have the recording of a sassy male gay sex phone operator come blaring out and filling the room. Her eyes got as wide as saucers and we both bowled over as she scrambled to hang up the line.

It was then I had a nice little "Jerry Springer- Final Thoughts" moment- life can suck and be super scary. So much so that it's sometimes a drag. But once in a while, God, Fate or whoever, likes to drop something in front of you to remind you what's so great about life and why you want to stick around...you never know what gems you will find. Even if that something is seeing a motherly-type woman accidentaly dial a gay male sex-phone line while on speakerphone.

Hearts on Fire?

Must STOP skipping days! I miss how dedicated I used to be, I must get back to that. Of course a hangover doesn't help things. Who goes out on a weekday? This gal. Anyway-

So for about two months now I've noticed that I would get this feeling in my chest that felt like my heart was pounding extra hard or skipping a beat. I didn't bother to take much notice of it (I mean, it's just my heart and all) until one day the feeling went from just unusual to slightly painful and pressured.

I was at work when it happened. I was typing something, thinking about lunch, when suddenly it came on. Not taking my breath away, it still caused me to sort of grip my chest a little. I wondered if it was just a spasm thing but it wasn't totally going away.

Just to be sure (and fully freak myself out) I decided to do the poor man's diagnosis and check Google for some answers. I wondered if it could be just indigestion or heart burn, as nearly a year ago I woke up in the middle of the night and I felt like I was having a damn heart attack but I later determined it was just my first experience with late-night heart burn.

However I hadn't eaten anything yet and this seemed to come on out of nowhere. I searched my Google results under the question "Can heartburn be mistaken for something more serious?" to which Google replied, "Yes, but be advised.."

Essentially the article was telling me that the feelings can be similar, however if you are experiencing any wooziness or nausea to call a physician right away. Not sure if those were my symptoms precisely, but I was still scared enough to finally look up a doctor and see if they should/could see me.

Not so shockingly, they didn't have anything open till the following week. I gave the receptionist all my info and when that was done I tried to casually mention how I was feeling a little bit of chest pain.

I could tell I must've caught the receptionist a little off guard as she suddenly dropped her professional tone and got a bit more familiar, saying"Yeah, I think you might want to stop by one of those Walk-In Clinics, just to be sure..."

She then said for me to call the next day to tell her what they said. However, the day went on and though the pain subsided I still noticed the strange pumping rhythm. I decided to bypass stopping at the clinic; afterall, what if I end up spending $150 I don't have just for them to tell me to take an antacid?

The next day at around the same time, the pain returned. And again, I ignored it.

Finally it happened a third time, and fearing I might drop dead in my cubicle, I finally grabbed my bag and headed for the clinic. What happened next? Find out tomorrow...

Livin the Movie Dream Life...

When I was younger I used to have this book that was simply titled, "The IF Book." It was basically a small book loaded with hundreds (maybe thousands) of scenarios. 'If you could pull off any crime in history and get away with it, what would it be?' 'If you had to choose the last piece of music you could listen to before you die, what would it be?'

I always found it both incredibly useful and insightful; useful, because I was never short of a conversation starter, and insightful because I was always fascinated with the answers the people around me had to say.

One of my favorite scenarios was the question "If you could live the life of any movie character whose life would you want?" I pondered this question long and hard for many years, and my answer changed year after year. So I figured I'd share the lives I, at one point in my life, wish I could've had.

*NOTE- Not sure if I ever touched upon this topic before, but if so, sorry for the repeat...

1.) Mary, "There's Something About Mary"- I'm sure there aren't alot of girl that wouldn't love to have Mary's life. Afterall, her friend Tucker basically sums it up for us: she's beautiful, rich... plus has a killer body, loving family, cool job, is athletic, lives in Miami, and is desperately pursued by cute guys.

2.) Indiana Jones, "Raiders of the Lost Ark", et. al.- Yeah, I know what you're thinking...I'm not helping my case that I am, in fact, a heterosexual female. When my dad showed me the movie, "Raiders" I wasn't struck by how handsome and strong Indie was; I was struck by how much I wanted to BE him. Going on mysterious and meaningful adventures to places I'd never heard of, using a whip on bad guys, engaging in car chases, horse chases, boat chases, were all things I desperately wanted to do. So badly, in fact, that I temporarily planned to grow up and become an archaeologist (until my a-hole science teacher decided to burst my bubble, telling me I'd be throwing my money and life away).

3.) Belle, "Beauty and the Beast"- I fancied myself quite a reader when I was a kid. And by " a reader", I mean I religiously read the Sunday comics along with my Garfield and Far Side comic books. But that wasn't all I read. I actually enjoyed reading a bit and when I saw Belle in "Beauty and the Beast" I felt an instant kinship with her. She was the first "princess" in Disney that wasn't just a flat damsel in distress. Plus it didn't hurt that she was beautiful, too.

4.) Xena, "Xena: Warrior Princess"- I realize this was a television show, but I wanted to be Xena so bad when I was younger I have to include her. She was the first live-action female superhero I had ever known, and the fact that she wielded this big sword as bad-ass as any of her male counterparts was awesome (not to mention the fact that she was a PRINCESS on top of it!) Sure there were some moments when her pal Gabrielle appeared to be more than just her sidekick. Still, heroes for us girls are still too far and few between, and Xena wasn't a bad one to have.

Ok, I shared some heartfelt and downright embarrassing admissions here, so now it's your turn to answer the "if" question: "If YOU could live the life of any movie character, whose life would you want?"

Water Road Warrior

Well, I'm back after yet another adventure in New Jersey. I went up to finally give my sister and brother their birthday/Christmas presents- tickets to see "Cinematic Titanic", the live-action version of the now defunct television show, "Mystery Science Theater 3000".

Joe had taken me two years ago for New Years and we had a ball. And since my sister and brother were such fans of the TV show too I looked up when they would be touring in New Jersey and purchased tickets.

The drive up to New Jersey in general wasn't bad, if not just a tad long. Joe and I arrived at around 10:00 p.m. and pretty much crashed right away.

The next day had miserable weather: rain, clouds, and cold wind. The theater we were going to was up in Princeton and though my dad insisted it was less than 45 minutes away, I was still anxious to get on the road. I probably shouldn't have been so quick to start driving.

We drove straight into downpour after downpour of rain. The wind batted my car around a bit and the splashes on my windshield made seeing a real challenge. We were armed with my Garmin but as we neared the theater we found ourselves confused. No signs that we could see indicated what direction the theater was in, and worse, we couldn't find the parking lot.

We drove around in a circle a few times till finally I drove right into the first semi-safe parking lot I could find. I even asked a couple in that same lot getting out of their cars if this was the right place to park.

"I dunno, " the woman said, "but I'm parking here anyway." That was good enough for me.

We parked thinking the theater was right around the corner; after all, that's what the Garmin had us believe. It wasn't until I hollered at two guys smoking outside a cathedral-like building where the McCarter theater was that we realized it was about 4 or 5 blocks away. So with time running out and the rain pouring directly on our heads, we dashed in the direction of the theater and, thankfully, made it on time.

The show was great, despite our discomfort in our seats due to cold, wetness, and hunger. Still, I was relieved to see how grateful and delighted my sister and brother were for their present.

When we got back on the road to get home the rain had stopped for the most part. We were instead treated to a fantastic lighting show right in front of us.

Now, I'm a nervous driver, anyway, but I'm even more so in a place I've never been before, and downright neurotic when it's nighttime and rain keeps getting in the way of my seeing. It must have been because of that that I failed to see the giant flood that took over a huge portion of the road. The oncoming traffic must not have expected it either, as I was about hit it another car did, and splashed a huge wave onto my car. A millisecond later, I hit it and soaked my own car. It happened so quickly and blinded me so completely that it took me several minutes to calm my nerves down.

I slowly pulled out of it and continued on my way. Happily there were no other car-incidences. But even still, I think I'll wait to visit Jersey again until after April's showers.

Scary Movie

I love watching movies. Well, I should say, I enjoy watching happy movies.

The reason being is that when I watch a movie, I am instantly pulled into the movie, feeling whatever the characters are feeling. This is great when the characters are on a great adventure or in love...not so much when they are being chased by a chainsaw-wielding sicko.

What's worse is that those scary thoughts and fears stick with me for a long time, showing up at the worst possible times.

Yet, I try to be a good sport whenever Joe is in the mood for a good thriller. I compartmentalize the story after it's over and walk away from it saying the mantra, "It's just a movie. It's just a movie." But sometimes that's not enough to keep my brain from torturing me later on in scary situations...like tonight.

Joe was out at practice and my girlfriends had left so it was just me and Georgia in the house. I went upstairs, with Georgia right at my heels, to grab a quick shower before bed. I was about to hop in when I suddenly heard the loud bang of doors opening and closing. We've had some weird phenomena happen upstairs, anyway, so I'm already on edge. Then I tried to reason that perhaps the sounds were coming from our neighbor, whose wall we share and whose goings on we can usually hear. No, it was coming from inside our house!

I clutched a towel and, like those hundreds of idiot victims that stupidly walk right into danger, I open the door. I guess I figured, hopefully whoever is standing right outside the door will kill me pretty quickly, saving me the stress and anxiety of trying to get away.

"Georgia?" I call out. She isn't on our bed and she doesn't run up the stairs. Now my heart lurches in my throat and my brain immediately jumps to the thought that a psychopath has trapped the dog somewhere to keep her from notifying me that he's there. He's waiting in one of the rooms to pop out and kill me.

I suddenly hear her whimper and now I think the psycho has hurt her to keep her quiet. But the whimper came from the guest room...which has it's door shut. I call her name again, and this time I can see her little paws hovering around inside the room.

It's then with a delighted sigh that I realize the damn dog had gone inside the guest room and when the door shut behind her she had gotten herself stuck. She was whimpering because she couldn't open the door to get out.

I release her from her self-made prison and gleefully cup her face in my hands, relieved I wasn't headed for a slasher-film conclusion. This movie had a silly comedy twist to it.

Homegrown Ass

Being from New Jersey I am pretty much used to common wise-cracks...about the beaches being polluted, about the people being fake and annoying, about the overall stench that hovers over the landscape (not completely true, by the way).

I have developed a pretty tough skin when it comes to the slams and even manage to politely nod and smile, taking comfort in the fact that people who say those things in earnest merely display they don't know squat about my home state.

So it was kinda surprising when I moved to Maryland and found myself on the other side of the table- being the one poking fun at places in Maryland and making myself look like the ignoramus.

On one specific instance I was sitting in a class my sophomore year of college. It was the beginning of the semester and I was doing what I always did the first day of class- finding an ally and maybe, a friend. There was a girl right behind me and we were just shooting the breeze when she mentioned she was a from a place called Dundalk.

Now, I hadn't been in the state that long, yet I had already heard "things" about Dundalk from recently acquired Marylander friends- about the landscape, people, and smell. They were stereotypes, sure, but I was used to people joking about the New Jersey ones, so I figured this girl was probably aware of her town's.

"Dundalk, huh? I've heard things about that place..." I said jovially.

"Like what.." she asked.

"Well, you know...that it's a bit rough..", I replied smiling...but she wasn't. And she continued to not do so for the rest of the semester.

Though I came off as a stuck-up snobby bitch and lost the opportunity for a friendship and alliance that would've probably lasted just the duration of the class, I did learn a few lessons- never knock someone's hometown, unless it was yours too, and never assume anything you don't know anything about.

Years later, and after working in Dundalk for a year, I can, however, attest to the smell...

Office Donuts

Yeah I know I slacked. This time the reason is health-related; as in, I'm not feeling in the best of it. I don't know where it came from but ever since Sunday I have been feeling a bit off and then yesterday it really hit my throat. Now my throat is just dry and scratchy while my head feels likes it's locked in a vise. So for my benefit (and yours) I'll keep this brief.

I haven't been working at an office for a very long time, but I have been working at one long enough to begin to notice odd office behaviors, rituals, and fears. It's kind of like being back in high school where you feel eyes upon you, judging you, until you find a clique or social order that makes you feel comfortable for turning your back on those who are of a different (or higher) social order.

Take the break room, or even just food for that matter. I choose to go onto the kitchen/break room like a mouse- quietly and discreetly, when no one else is there, getting what I want and then hightailing it back out before anyone even realized I was there. And as I'm pretty sure I mentioned before I usually don't go in there except for my cup of coffee and the occasional refill of my water bottle- unless snacks are concerned...

Once in a while someone in the office will bring in donuts or bagels. This time it was donuts. I checked my email and there was a message that had been sent throughout the office notifying all that there were donuts in the break room. Oooh. I had a chocolate craving anyway, so this was perfect. Still, I didn't want to rush in and rush out, especially if people were in there, so I let fate be my donut-decider. I waited until it was my usual coffee break and if it so happened there was a chocolate-esque donut left, I would claim it.

I walked in and saw...two halves. Each a different flavor, they had been sliced by a knife, presumably by the one left inside the box as if to reassure anyone that someone hadn't just taken a bite and left it there. The bigger half was also the more chocolatey one, but I was still a bit hesitant. What if someone WAS coming back for that other half, or worse, someone had taken a bite. I'd look like the office weirdo who takes other people's donuts and doesn't mind eating something someone else took a bite of.

In the end I quieted my neurotic brain by grabbing the rich donut-half and walking back to my desk. I still made sure to eat every crumb...just in case of incriminating evidence.