Sensi-die

Isn't it interesting how when you are a kid you loathe the idea of having to go to the doctor or dentist? You'd bitch and whine to your parents about how you can't, trying desperately to find some kind of excuse to not to have to go. The only good time to see a doctor is when you are already sick, cuz then you might squeeze a sick day out of them. But then dentist has always been a source of unbelievable fear and anxiety, for me anyway. At least, until now.

Now, I freaking can't wait to go to the dentist, and after almost a whole year of working through this temp agency, I'll finally be able to enroll in the health benefits they provide. I remember so clearly sitting in the office, filling out the paperwork, and taking some b.s. typing test (which I'm pretty sure I failed. How the hell does a former English major fail at using Microsoft Word? Well, I can tell you, I probably wasn't the best English major). Then the girl who was assisting me came in with some paperwork concerning the health plans they offer.

"Oh really?" I had asked, excitedly. "What do I have to do to enroll??"

"Weeeell," she said, slowly handing me the folder. "Unfortunately, we only have open enrollment every August." And since it was already October, I realized I would have to suck it up...through majorly sensitive teeth...for almost an entire year.

Of all the annoying little attributes I seemed to have inherited (which my damn siblings seemed to have escaped), the bad teeth is probably the most painful. Not the bad eyes, oily hair, or crappy skin...I suffered, like many, through the rite of passage known as braces. And that was fine. I dealt with looking freakish for years and came out of it with better teeth for sure. But certainly not the best.

For one, I became lazy with my retainer, deciding I'd deal with a little tooth-shifting in exchange for a night's sleep that didn't involve torturous pressure in my mouth like in a god damn Saw movie. Since then one tooth has decided it prefers laying on it's side, but that's probably the least important reason I'd like to see a dentist. The runner-up being the fact that I STILL have a fossilized metal bracket backing my bottom front teeth that I should've gotten removed years ago but for one reason or other never had the time.

The main reason I need to see a dentist is for my son of a bitching sensitive teeth. This is has been something that has gone from being a minor annoyance to a full on change in my eating patterns. Now, it's not enough to avoid cold foods of ANY kind in varying degrees, but now I get surges of pain if I bite down on anything remotely too hot! I find myself waiting for a slice of pizza to cool to room temperature off or using a knife to slice into a peach to make smaller bites so I my teeth don't have to make direct contact.

I know, everyone keeps telling me to just keep using Sensodyne, which I have been using (or at least some form of) for months upon months now. You know what that crap helps me with? Taking away the pain of BRUSHING my teeth, and that's about it. I'm fairly sure I'm past the point of toothpaste.

At long last, August is nearly upon me and I can not WAIT to pick a freakin plan and make an appointment for a dentist. So buckle down my wrists, get the giant wads of cotton, and burn my eyes out with that giant alien-ship ceiling light- whatever needs to be done so that I no longer have to use a straw for oatmeal or chop fruit into swallowable pill forms.