Jos of a Tank

I remember back when I was younger I was standing outside our area mall watching a new store being put in and trying like hell to decipher it's name.

Jo's Bank?

J. S a Bank?

I couldn't figure out what the symbols meant or how to pronounce them, until one day later on and I heard the radio promos for the store and put two and two together.

I really should have no cause to have anything to say about this store; it being a men's clothing store and all. But since I've been without television (countdown's almost up!) I've had my ears glued to the radio, catching things I'd normally never notice.

Is it just me or does anyone else wonder how the hell this store stays in business? Every single promo ad I hear for them on the radio features that small mid-level voice guy exteeending eeeeveery siingle syllable while explaining that if you buy a tie you get a 5 whole suits "aaaabsolUtely FREE!"

I jest, but I'm not too far from the truth.

The other day, I swear, their latest sale was about how you buy a blazer and you get two suits "aaabsoLUTEly free!" Now I've never bought/owned a suit, but I have to imagine they are pretty expensive. So how the hell do they justify selling a blazer or sweater or whatever and give away two full suits for nothing?

Has anyone been in this store to attest to the quality? Or does anyone have any insight as to why they even bother to say they "sell" thing when it sounds constantly like a buy a pair of socks, get 20 free minutes to grab everything you want for free-sale?

And yes, I have wasted actual valuable and functioning brain cells to think about things like this. It scares me, too.

Pizza, Pizza

I hate to be a snob or ridiculous, but really, the pizza here in Baltimore is a crying shame.

I know that New York gets all the credit for having awesome pizza, but New Jersey is right there too (both literally and standard-wise). The sauce is always sweet and savory, the cheese is gooey, and the crust is perfectly chewy AND crispy. I took the fact that we had more great pizzerias than bad for granted, until I moved here.

I recall so distinctly sitting around in my college dorm or around a common area, and someone mentioning a craving for pizza.

"Hey, I know! How about Papa John's?" What? A chain?!! Blasphemy!

I was perplexed since really, my family and I never ordered from a pizza chain. You always order your pizza from a place with a stereotypical Italian name, like Michael Angelo's or Little Luigi's.

I tried to be open minded and not a pain, so I'd go along with the group- and was horribly disappointed; thick plastic-y cheese smothered over salty sauce on top of flavorless cardboard. I hoped that my new found friends were merely going along with what was easily available. Yet sure enough, another week or so would pass and suddenly I'd see someone pull out that damn Papa John's menu.

Yet, Baltimore is something of a known city, with plenty of great meals available. I was determined to find my home pizza away from home pizza. And happily, I have. In no particular order, I give you my Pizza Picks for the Towson/Baltimore area.

1.) Pasta Mista's Margarita Thin Crust- Perhaps it is because they place really fresh Roma tomatoes on top. Perhaps it is because it tastes amazing even at below room temperature. And perhaps it is because I had it just last night. But Pasta Mista's pizzas are fantastic. I've tried a few of their different slices, but my go-to favorite is the Margarita thin crust. You never actually feel like you are eating something "bad" for you, because the ingredients appear so simple and fresh- great crust, a savory sauce, fresh sliced sweet tomatoes, tangy basil, and sumptuous fresh mozzarella slices.

2.) Maria's- Joe and I discovered this gem over a year ago, primarily because of the price. On Sunday and Monday their large and X-large pizzas are half-off (making an end of weekend/weekday meal not only a treat but extremely affordably). They are a tad greasier than I'd like, but the flavor is still one of the best I've had. The sauce is pretty killer and the crust has a great balance of chew and crunch.

3.) Strappazza- Fairly certain they are a chain, which does detract some level of appreciation, but they do have fantastic pizza. In fact, it's one of the closest New Jersey-style pizza experiences I've had outside of the Garden State. The cheese and sauce appear well combined, rather than one sitting on top of the other.

Have your say: Out of towners- let's hear where you get your pizza from or in fact any food you miss from your hometown. Local to Baltimore? Let me know if you agree/disagree or have any suggestions as to where I can go to get my pizza fix.

Dressing Down

The past few days have proven to me that sometimes I really do feel like I'm in a Seinfeld episode. I'm sure these situations happen to all of us, but I have the benefit of having nothing better to do than relate my experiences here, and hopefully, squeeze a chuckle out of somebody in the process. So here we go...

A few days ago I was walked into Target looking for a few filler gifts for Joe's birthday. You know, the kind of gifts that aren't supposed to be the MAIN focus, but are just a few odds and ends things the person could use.

As I walked past the women's clothing section, I was really trying to keep my focus away from shopping from myself when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I spied something purple. It was a sassy plum purple sundress with black piping and a corset-like top. It was actually close to my size (score!) AND on clearence for only $12 (shoot score!!). I knew that I was really there for Joe, but since I was taking him to a nice dinner I felt justified in getting a snazzy new dress for the occasion. Especially when I'd get change back from a $20- I LOVE that (cheap-ass that I am).

I head to the fitting room and take my plastic card, noticing I am the ONLY customer in there. As I'm assessing the dress I suddenly hear outside over at the fitting room attendant's desk, the attendant answering her phone.

"Hello?" she said, bright and chipper. Then there is a long pause.

".....What?.....What?.....WHAT!?", her voice suddenly becomes strained and choked up. And in mid-pose in front of my mirror, I froze.

Another quieter voice came over to her and I heard the attendant say, "My cousin just OD-ed...he was only 15..."

Now, my heart goes out to the poor girl at the horrible tragedy that has befallen her family, but I can't help but selfishly begin to worry about my own vain needs.

I am standing in a dressing room wearing a dress I decide not to buy, and unsure as to how to possibly get out without looking like an ass. I'm on a time crunch, so I really can't dally here all day. Yet, I feel weird bursting through the door and declaring to the devastated girl that I've changed my mind on the $12 dress and thanks anyway, pretending I didn't hear what she just revealed.

Then again, I feel weird somberly coming up with the dress and slowly handing it over, acknowledging the fact that I heard something so personal and sad.

I finally decide to split the difference and come out but remain pretty quiet.

Thankfully, the other attendants took her spot while another employee walked away with her to give her some privacy. I definitely still felt like a jackhole being the one customer actually trying things on at such an early hour and making them have to acknowledge me.

Maybe it would've been better if I had walked by handing over the card and just bought the dress....I still would've gotten change from a $20...

Supermarket Swept

Man, I am craving watermelon right now. It's really amazing how as soon as the weather turns warm I get relentless cravings for cool juicy fruit. Although I can't be sure if these cravings really have anything to do with summer or if it's because those damn supermarket circulars make them look sooo good.

And that is quite a feat for some of these supermarkets which borderline on the edge of bodegas. You know the kind of places that sell day old bagels in their "bakery" and a can of beans that saw the Great Depression.

However, on the flip-side, in this area we also have our fair share of high-end over-priced markets as well, and everything in between.

I've done a bit of moving around in this area, and because of that I have learned what I like best and least about the supermarkets around here (and since I have no other topic in mind, I think I'll rate them on a scale of 1-6, 1 being the highest).

6.) Shoppers: While their prices are pretty decent and they have a nice variety of generics, their fruit and vegetables have always been on the crappy-side. Also you get the feeling that things just aren't so clean or refreshed very often. Also, no coupon cards so you never get to watch your total amount drop a dollar or two.

5.) Food Lion: Again, their fruit has always been more on the miss-side than a hit. Also they don't seem to carry a ton of variety, however their meat case is well organized by cooking methods (grilling, sauteing, stew, etc.) and their specials are usually pretty good.

4.) Superfresh: Lots of variety and their produce is usually pretty good. And though sometimes their sales can be pretty amazing, they aren't often enough.

3.) Trader Joes: I am a newcomer to the whole Trader Joe's phenom but I have to say I am pretty hooked (I even have Trader Joe's brand toothpaste). On some things their prices are great, however on most items it is double or more than I want to pay. Still, it's nice to go in there and try something new or unusual.

2.) Wegmans: Great prices throughout and so many things to try. Wish their fruit section was a little more plentiful, because their fruit is usually great. Also great consistent deals on essentials like paper towels, toilet paper, and tissues (all the lowest prices I've ever seen for the same things). Seems to have a generic option for everything under the sun. However, it always takes an extra half hour to get through the store since it's so big and almost ALWAYS busy. The parking lot might as well be as big as a football field.

1.) Mars: The little supermarket that could. Conveniently right on my way home from work, I can quickly pop in for a quick dinner idea and be back out in less than 20 minutes. Surprisingly plentiful and delicious fruit and veggies for a small grocery store, I rarely have a bad piece. Their sales are usually fantastic but even their consistent prices are hard to beat.

I've never made it to WholeFoods, but I understand that it's moniker is WholePaycheck, so I assume it's not cheap. But I wonder if it's worth it...?

Anyway, what is your least/favorite supermarket and why? Post a comment here or on my facebook.

Adulthood Lite

First off, salutations and many thanks to Mel, my 10th follower! Hooray, I made it to double digits!

Ok, as promised, I'm going to try and continue to keep these posts short so as not to bore any poor soul taking the time to read this...

I think I have made it abundantly clear that I have no interest in becoming an adult- I don't like the responsibility. And nothing proves that more than trying to deal with a house.

Don't get me wrong; I do love the space and being near alot of stuff (plus I'm renting, so it hardly counts. It's more like Diet Home-ownership- all the drama but half the responsibility).

Take this as an example...

I was finally catching up on some much-needed laundry and when I went down in the basement where our laundry machines were to switch loads I was met with a small pool emerging on the floor.

Before thinking about where the water was coming from I looked around to see what was at water-risk. Luckily we had invested in hard plastic crates for storage (including my entire spring and summer wardrobe). Unluckily, we do have a few cardboard boxes that (though they seem away from the water) have soaked up some of the water AND are a pain to get to.

I decided to worry about those things later and instead indulged in a nice helping of panic that the water would get to Joe's equipment.

I didn't see any moisture on his studio-side, but I still called him to warn him.

"Did you check the laundry-water pipe? The last time this happened it was because it had popped out of the laundry sink."

I had no idea what he was talking about so I went to check the washer. Sure enough, the black plastic foldable pipe was pointing up on the floor, where the water must have gushed out like a small geyser.

I stood around looking at this mess for a good minute, unsure what to do and/or where to begin, and cursing the fact that I had no mother or father around to deal with it. Stupid adulthood.

Joe eventually came home, and with a combined effort of towels and wet-vac (which I'm beginning to think was purposely bought by the owners for scenarios just like this) we managed to sop up as much water as possible.

Only things still left to deal with are a few (now moldy) boxes, but really, how long did I want a few notebooks from high school, a dozen dried-up white-out pens, and a VHS of "Billy Madison"?

Bin Laden/Royal Chicken

It's late and I'm tired and strapped to a heart monitoring device so I'm gonna keep this one brief (not really sure how that last one matters but still).

I was thinking about just passing a thought or two along since this is such a historic day, or at least, it seems to be. And I promise I won't make the whole post about the Bin Laden thing, but for posterity and my own recollections, I feel I have a few things to say.

Joe woke me up when he came in last night saying something about how Osama Bin Laden had been killed by American forces. I wasn't totally paying attention since I was still half-asleep. I think I mightier thought I was dreaming.

Sure enough, as we both got up we turned on the radio and the news was everywhere- Bin Laden had been found AND killed. People were reportedly celebrating in the streets of D.C. and New York, and all the radio personalities were expressing their relief and joy.

And I felt cold.

I'm not sure what scares me more- the fact that so many people were thrilled at the murder of someone (no matter how despicable), or the fact that I feel less safe now than I did before. I just can't help feeling that while our government had the best intentions in mind (I hope) we have just set ourselves up for an even worse time with the Middle East. Those who adored Bin Laden will now think him martyred and his ideas will become beliefs. Those who felt indifferent may see us as bullies and try even harder to bring us down. Either way, I have little faith in this action doing anyone any good.

Yes, it is good to have one less terrorist in the world, and especially one as mad as he was. But I have the suspicion that maybe this was all a little too convenient and that perhaps we were meant to kill Bin Laden for someone less known to take his place.

I don't know. These are merely my thoughts and opinions. I don't mean to disrespect anyone, nor do I mean to come off preachy or a peace-loving hippie (which, there are worse things to be), I just would've felt better if we could have just captured him. But perhaps he would've killed himself before we could get any information out of it him, anyway. Anyway...

A funny thing happened to me while checking out of Wegmans the other day.

The check-out girl was scanning my items and, as is common with Wegmans employees, tried to strike up a conversation. I had noticed with the women in line in front of me they had all been discussing the wedding of William and Kate. Of course, since I'm still on a television hiatus, I didn't know or see much about it, so when it was my turn to get checked out I asked the girl about it.

"Oh it was just beautiful! Kate's dress was exquisite and William looked handsome. Her hair was.." she continued on and on, better than CNN coverage, retelling every detail of the event.

As she spoke I happened to notice she was double-bagging the rotisserie chicken I got for dinner without scanning it. She placed it back in my cart, never missing a beat with her description. I paid and as soon as she handed me the receipt I scanned it carefully to see if she had in fact, forgotten to charge me. She had.

I thought for a second about showing her the mistake, but in the end, I thought better of it. I just decided to consider it my own personal royal wedding favor.