Social Not-Working

I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I really think I have some sort of social anxiety. Not so bad that I feel the need to curl up in bed with my covers up to my ears, but does anyone else go out of their way to plan their day to avoid human contact? It's not so bad when I'm in a social setting anyway (and booze helps a bit), but work is a different situation. I very often have to plan and pay attention when I'm at work...and not to do my projects. Here are the worst places for me.

1.) The Kitchen- Thankfully I have very little need to ever go into the kitchen, except for the morning to fill up my water bottle and then later on to make a cup of coffee. And even these two brief moments require me to plan my perfect timing. I'll sit and stare at my computer screen, trying to make it look like I'm completely engaged, when really I'm listening for the sound of mugs clanging and chairs shuffling. I love the people who make plenty of noise so I am well aware of their presence. The WORST is when I'm all set to go, thinkin the coast is clear, and then walk by and see someone fixing their coffee. If I'm pretty cool with the person I'll just suck it up and get what I came there for. However, I usually spin on my heel, pretending as if I suddenly forgot something (like I'm fooling anyone) and then just never return until I know for a FACT that that person is gone.

2.) The Hallways- There are two entrances in my office, and both are set-off with long ass hallways. The closest one from the elevator, which is at the end of one hallway, is the one we all use in the morning. However since I sit closer to the other entrance, it's the one I tend to use to get to the bathrooms or stairways. This is to the right of the other, and its hallways is at least 30 feet long. Usually the odds that I'll run into someone from my office are good, since we are the only office at that part of the building. But normally I don't, anyway. Still, I hate that feeling when I round the corner and I start walking that epic journey of a hallway, notice someone else coming towards me and I start playing that timing game all over again. When do I lift my head to acknowledge them? Should I say "hello"? "How's it goin'?" Maybe I should just smile...And then you hit that point and all you can do is pray to God they don't do that half-ass attempt at conversation when you are still on the move. Sometimes it's worse if they are with someone, cuz then you feel DOUBLE the pressure to say something. I prefer the smile and head bob, but occasionally instead the person will throw me actual words and I have to fumble with my stash of phrases to come up with something. And unlike the kitchen, I can't plan good timing.

3.) The Vending Machines- This probably wouldn't seem like a place for cause of anxiety...at least not for normal people. I like to go to the vending machine and check out the options, always curious as to what's been refilled or replaced, however there is no such luxury if you are standing around perusing and you suddenly feel a presence behind you jiggling his/her change in their hand. You feel this automatic pressure to hurry up and make your selection, worried that maybe this person behind you just snuck out after being hounded by their boss and all they want is a damn Clark Bar but this annoying little curly-haired weirdo is taking too long to purchase something. Of course, in my warped mind, you are just as easily screwed if you find yourself behind the person too. Not only for the added inconvenience of waiting to really do your eye-shopping, but then I feel bad making the OTHER person think I'm being impatient. So I usually try to stare off into space, pretending I don't even exist till the guy/girl pushes the button and retrieves their item.

I am trying to be more defiant, at least in some ways. I try to utter the phrase "I have the right to..." whenever I feel the need to back down or back away. I have a right to have a cup of the office coffee. I have a right to use the restroom whenever I so feel the need. I have the right to take an extra minute to look at the Keebler cookies and ponder the mystery of Funyons (what the hell is a funyon, anyway?). It works about half the time, but I'm getting better. At least I'm starting to leave my notepad paper for jotting down notes, instead of game plans like a freakin NFL coach. But at least now, if you see me walk into a room and then quickly out, don't take it personally. I just forgot to get something....