Losing My Direction

Don't mind me guys, I'm just gonna rip my flesh off my bones. I feel like a creature from X-Files, or maybe I've just been watching too much. And before you start to cry foul on me, I don't USUALLY watch X-Files and I've never seen the show before. And besides my skin feels like I actually have flesh-eating insects devouring me from the inside, so if I want to watch an episode of a show I've never seen, I will, and if you have a problem make like a bug and BITE ME.

But yeah, the rash is still goin' strong and spreading so I think I'm gonna have to see a dermatologist which, if all they say is to just keep putting cream on it, I really might start tearing at my skin with nails (and I don't even mean on my fingers). Ok, enough grossity...

The theme for tonight's post was going to be about moms (which I hung out with a-plenty this past weekend) but as I was writing I suddenly remembered this interesting misadventure that occurred last week and figured it might be a bit more amusing. So enjoy...

In case I never said, Joe's car broke down completely a few weeks ago and we have been sharing my car while he's been shopping around for a new one. On Wednesday he called me to let me know that he found a used car lot that had the kind of car he was looking for and that I should meet him there with his pay stub. His parents were starting their drive down to Myrtle Beach that same day, as luck would have it, and were planning on meeting him there as well to help set him up. I told him no problem, I was just gonna stop home to let Georgia out and give her dinner, and then I'd be on my way.

As you all should very well know, I have probably the worst sense of direction. I get lost in a town I've lived in for years, so I don't really know why I should've been that surprised when I set out on a drive that takes a normal person 20 minutes and it ended up taking me 60.

I did as I said; stopped home to let the dog out, grabbed the pay stub and headed out the door with Joe's texted directions: Pikesville, about 6 lights past Target, on your left, 1700, Heritage. Should be easy enough...

I get off at the correct exit, and I follow his instructions explicitly. I see the sign for Pikesville, so I head towards Pikesville. I see a Target, and figure I'm going the correct way. Miles and miles pass, and I continue to glance up at the numbers (which was a challenge in and of itself- what the hell is it with NOT placing the freaking address numbers nice and clear???My damn old bespectacled eyes can barely see regular street signs and I'm playin chicken seeing how long I can squint at the buildings before slamming on my brakes to avoid the car in front of me) Finally, I start to see car dealerships, but the numbers are going in the correct direction. So I pull into a nice little frightening side street and turn around. Eventually, I get the call from Joe.

"Where are you?" I can tell by the sound in his voice he is using all his patience. I, on the other hand, refuse to give in to my frustration, and say calmly, "I'm on my way."

"Did you get lost?"

"Of course," I reply as calmly as a sociopathic serial killer who has the detective right where she wants him.

"But you've been down this way before..." I could sense the slightest edge to his voice.

"Yes, you said Pikesville, so I went towards Pikesville. You said to look for the Target, and I passed a Target. But it's still the wrong way," I say trying to keep my composure.

"Ok, well, are you ok now?"

"Yes, I'll be there as soon as I can." And I was...after I pulled into ANOTHER car dealership named Heritage Used Cars only to discover I was at the wrong one and had to get back on the road to continue towards the correct Heritage Used Cars.

Finally I arrived at the right dealership and join Joe and his parents as they sat talking to one of the salespeople. I give them both apologetic hugs, completely embarrassed that they are witnessing my total ineptitude at following directions. But they make me feel better immediately and we spend the next few hours (yes, hours) chatting about current events in all our lives.

At long last, with the deal nearly sealed (as well as the doors to the dealership) we head for home. I'm to lead the way home and his parents are going to follow me. Probably a mistake. As we head on down the highway we suddenly spot a massive back-up JUST before our exit. We decide instead to take the back roads way, and while trying to make sure Joe's parents see our change, we dart across two lanes and onto a different exit. We have them behind us pretty well until we reach the most convenient back road and find it under construction. I try to both pull back into the other lane while still trying to keep my eye on Joe's parents' car. I must've nearly lost them at least 5 times and as we finally pulled into our parking spots by the house, I apologized profusely.

The kind people that they are, they didn't make me feel like the idiot I was, but I guess it's fortunate most people don't have to drive with me...