Insectuous

Had kind of a weird moment this morning. I was eating my bowl of cereal in the living room and Georgia was sitting beside me, staring off into space (she was, I wasn't...or maybe I was..who knows).

Anyway, when I finally centered on what she was looking at I realized it was a spider that had dropped down from the ceiling and clinging to a strand of web. I probably would never have noticed it if Georgia hadn't. The strand was so small it looked like the thing was truly hovering in midair.

Still, I leaped so fast off the couch you'd think my pants had caught fire. Georgia just kept gingerly trying to stand on her hind legs to snatch it up so I quickly took one more bite of my cereal and then smacked it with a shoe (the spider, not my cereal. I am a shameful English degree-holder).

Now that I recall, that was the second odd bug-type thing that happened recently. The first occurred yesterday, I think, but this week has been flying by so who knows. One of the fremps gave the other and me a small potted plant to put on our desks, an incredibly sweet gesture. A little while later one of our coworkers stopped by desk.

"So we'll probably have a meeting for that in a day or two....hmm...looks like you have a little friend," he said.

I wasn't sure what he was talking about until my head spun around and noticed one of those damn Japanese stink beetles climbing ostensibly from my little potted plant. Again, I overreacted and immediately pushed my chair away. We all began laughing because it did look as if it was a prank, but the fremp assured me it wasn't and apologized. After that we all quieted down, but I was still left to do something about the beetle. I explained how I was worried about the odor it would emit if I tried to kill it. My fremp Les explained how it really wasn't all that bad, unless you had your nose right up it, and encouraged me to just squash it.

Now, I don't know why, but I have a hard time even taking a tissue to squish a bug- its probably the wimpiest thing about me. I always figure somehow it will escape and suddenly crawl up my arm. It's also difficult because, unlike flies or mosquitoes, this thing is big enough to almost have a personality. I'm not saying I expect it to suddenly throw on a top hat and tap dance, but I'm sure it doesn't WANT to die. I was ready to just leave it alone, but I felt I should try to do my part in eradicating these things from our office.

So, I took a deep breath, plucked a tissue free, and gently place it on top of the beetle. I then knew I wouldn't have the guts to kill it so instead I tried to flick it away. Three attempts and three smacked fingers later, I finally decided to simply let it live. I justified it to myself by thinking I just gave it a pardon and that maybe I'd get some good karma out of it.

Still, things usually happen in threes...maybe I better check the sheets before bed tonight...

Good Night, Sleep Tight...

Oh man, it's so hard to be motivated to do ANYTHING right now: the rainy weather, the fact that all the VIPs of my office are out as well as my fellow fremps, I'm a little hungover... But I'm going to muddle through, especially since I dropped the ball with posting last night. Plus I got the Hairball rockin in my ear on the radio, so let's do it.

The rash (and they mystery of its origins) continues, but I have a new theory. I did some research and I think I know what it is- bed bugs. Here's my case.

1. For one, as I was driving to work the other day I was listening to the radio as always, and that news fellow Josh Spiegel mentioned that there is an unusual amount of reports coming in of people with an infestation of bed bugs. He listed off a few cities in the area where people had complained and one of them was our old residence of Cockeysville. Also, he reported that the reason for this influx of bugs is due to the fact that the pesticide usually used to kill these things has been outlawed.

2. I originally thought the cause was fleas. It made sense; Georgia itches herself and we never really treated her for them. But when we looked her over thoroughly we didn't see anything. Not a single fleck or bloody spot. And online they said you'd see at least remnants of them if not the actual insect.

3. I compared the images of people affected from flea bites v. bed bugs. The flea bites were small and concentrated in red. Meanwhile, bed bugs leave big welt-like bites that are pink. They looked exactly like what I have.

4. According to one website, they claimed flea bites are found around ankles and legs, never above that, whereas bed bugs can be found all over (and found in other spots that a mosquito could never get to).

5. One of the biggest mysteries is why I'm itching myself bloody while Joe is completely unharmed. A website also claimed that either the bugs preferred my blood to his or he was being bitten too but just not getting any kind of reaction. This is necessarily proof for bed bugs, but just explains why only one of us is getting tortured.

I told Joe my findings the other day and he said he'd go look up some websites too. While I was making dinner he went up to the bed to check for bug waste, which the website said you'd find. He came back downstairs saying he still didn't see any conclusive evidence to support this theory of mine. I asked him about this speck or that, but he reminded me that there was no way a bug could produce waste that big. And since we do let Georgia up on the bed sometimes, there's no way to be sure what's from her and what's from these bugs.

I'm still leaning towards the bed bug idea, relieved to think we had finally figured this mystery out. Unfortunately I can't be 100% sure, and now I'm worried to see a dermatologist because I'm afraid they won't know what it is either. Sigh...so the mystery continues. I just hope we figure it out before I run out of (apparently) tasty blood.

Scratchin' the Itch

I'm a little uncomfortable today people. I think I've got about 23 bug bites all over me. And this is a problem for me, as a person whose sleeping pattern requires sticking a foot (one, not both) outside the covers, which leaves any exposed flesh like a freaking Vegas buffet to these damn mosquitoes. And why do these damn bugs bite you in the absolutely most uncomfortable spots? I got two right over the bone of my foot, the BONE I tell you! Ugh. Plus I got one on my ankle, so it feels really good whenever my foot shifts in my shoe and rubs right against it, igniting the itch-craze all over again. Merde!

Anyway, onto the update...

**UPDATE**The Living Year

I feel a little bit guilty. I didn't cheat! But because we got the puppy (who is requiring more and more watching, it turns out) I feel like I can't really even read. And this is my trashy-romance novel season! So because of that (and because I still had an unused gift certificate to Amazon all the way from Christmas) I figured I'd purchase a couple of DVDs.

This is NOT cheating. As I have stated before, I am allowed to watch television-DVDs provided they are shows not normally readily available or that I've watched to an obsessive amount.

The first one was Insomniac with Dave Attel, Vol. 1, and Jim Gaffigan's "Beyond the Pale". Insomniac was a show that I did love years ago, and lasted for a few seasons but then just disappeared. I really don't know why, it really was a genius concept- combine a travelling show with a drunken comedian. It's like chocolate and peanut butter, some things are just meant to go together. Plus Dave Attel is pretty funny anyway, I would probably watch him clip his toenails and find it humorous. I guess the Stop n' Shot thing (and if you don't know about that let me know) is kinda my homage to that show, though I lack the humor (and liver) to really capture that exact formula. Hence my need for a couple of hosts that I can just direct- and force to take shots FOR me.

"Beyond the Pale" was actually a last second thing. Amazon LOVES to get you this way--they dangle free shipping in your face provided you spend a certain amount of money, which is pure evil genius, b/c even if you think you are getting something for free you end up eating up the savings but purchasing extra crap you didn't even want! But I just wanted to spend this damn gift certificate before I lost it all together. Besides, I love Jim Gaffigan alot anyway, so I didn't mind. Does anyone else enjoy him? He always struck me as a highly underrated comedian. My only complaint that I have is as I watched the DVD I realized he told a few jokes that I really think I heard told by Kevin James or Adam Ferrera, but then again I can't be sure who did them first....and besides, how many different "Moses in the Desert" or "The Unhealthy Diet of Americans" jokes can you create?

I still enjoyed both, laughed my ass off in fact. But just for you naysayers I also ordered a book to read too...the Weird NJ-Vol 2, so suck on that!

Well, I gotta slip out now. See you tomorrow!