Brief Moments

You have to think that there is someone out there, be it God or Fate or whatever, that enjoys your moments of stupidity, right? I mean those moments when you really have to look around and make sure there is no one there- you have to think SOMEONE is laughing at your expense.

Take the other day...

Georgia the Dog is many things. And one of those things, is gassy. I have been around dogs for the better part of my youth, and yet I have NEVER come across a dog as flatulent as this one. And they aren't the cute little pipsqueak farts, they are the rank old sour Puppy Chow kind that infect the air so that you are left gasping on the floor (sorry, didn't warn you if you were eating).

So I was just getting up from the couch when I leaned right into a fresh air-bomb that left me gagging. I reached for the ever-ready air freshener (and when you need an air freshener like an asthma inhaler, I think you know you have a problem) and sprayed it all around me. Only problem was I sprayed just as the heater kicked on so the fresh mountain scent was blown directly back into my face. I swung my arms like an orangutan trying to keep both the chemicals and toxic gas from choking the life outta me, and I had to wonder....someone must be enjoying moments like this, right?

Of course, in those instances you can at least take in the comfort that no REAL person is witnessing your worst moments. The same can not be said when you are out in public and Embarrassment singles you out.

Tonight my friend Ash invited me to accompany her to her gym. We spent a few minutes on the treadmills but then decided to give the ellipticals a go. I was a tad unsure as we noticed the only available machines with two next to each other were right in the front row, with at least 3 or 4 rows behind us. Still, we each took one and after she was finished with her workout I still had a few minutes left on mine. She mentioned she was going to work on her arms and left while I was huffing and puffing, trying not to pass out.

As I was trying to bang out the last few minutes I kept getting the feeling my pants were creeping down. They are not especially low exercise pants, but where the seam was kept making me think my pants were falling and exposing my underwear. So much so in fact that I casually tried to pull them up, just to make sure. Then in the distance I swear I heard a tittering of laughter. Now if you are at all like me, when you hear laughter in the background, no matter where you are, you automatically think it's at you. The feeling and fear of exposure returned so often that I started to not even fake it, and just kept yanking my not-even-falling-down pants up, till I probably looked like It's Pat on an elliptical.

As my workout concluded and I gave one final tug at the waistband, I began to think that maybe there is a force out there that gets some enjoyment out of seeing us in brief moments of embarrassment. And maybe the reason these moments are deployed around each other is to make sure none of us ever takes ourselves too seriously. Just make sure your pants stay up.