Thursday, June 2, 2011

Over the Wal-mart and Through the Depot...



So Memorial Day has passed, and all in all, it was a good one. Joe and I had some people over for a BBQ and we christened our new fire pit. And it really wasn't even a ton of work to put together...once we had everything we needed.


There was one little detail we had forgotten until the very day of the party- firewood. In order to actually use the fire pit we needed firewood, and of course, the quest to purchase some was fraught with hassle.


As I was cleaning things up Joe went out to get his last few grocery items and the firewood. He is gone for a good while and then returns saying the Home Depot was out. We really needed it, since the fire pit was one of the featured events for our party, but since he looked tired and sweaty (and since I needed a few more things anyway) I offered to drive up to our big mega-Walmart that also has a big gardening section while he continued to get things set up.


I drove up and, not shockingly, noticed the parking lot (which usually extends practically into the next town) was packed pretty well. Figures. But I was armed with my list and a fair idea of where everything should be. No problem.


I tried to see if I could find firewood on my own, but to no avail. So, I try to ask a helpful Wal-mart employee.


Now, at this point, I must make a plea to all Wal-mart employees- I am sorry if you don't like your job. I'm sorry if you are hungover and don't feel like being there. But for the love of God and the sake of civility, can you NOT run away every time I (or really, any customer, b/c I noticed this was an issue for other people as well) just want to ask a brief question about where something is. The store is the freaking size of an air craft carrier, and I'm bumbling around just looking for some Off!.


Anyway, I finally snag some help from a willing employee who explains they simply don't have it.


I then rush out to the Home Depot down the street, hopeful that this location will have the firewood. I barely walk in the door when I see the store greeter and immediately ask about the firewood.


"You know, I'm not sure we do, but let's find out." So she walks me over and after asking some of her fellow Home Depotcrats they inform me that they are also out.


I am about to walk out the door when the woman who initally greeted me pulled me aside and explained how she would be able to hook me up.


"Just take some from my house," she said, in a hushed tone, like she was selling me contraband.


I was very tempted. It was free and I'd be able to get it right away. However, my hopes were dashed as she began explaining all the hoops I'd have to jump through to get it.


"Go to Thornton Ave, and look for the last house on the left. You'll see some construction going on. Go up to the house. My daughter should be there. Her name is Cassie. Explain who you are and tell her I sent you. My name is Linda. Then go around the corner through my neighbor's yard, over the valley, through the woods, answer the bridge master's 3 questions, slay the Hydra..."


I thanked her for her help, but in the end I simply went to Valley View Farms and found a few bundles and paid for them. It was kind of her to offer, but in this instance, my laziness outweighed my cheapness. Besides, if I'm going to venture into stranger's yards, I better be drunk first.

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